Tonight, I am exhausted.
I’m not seeking to write an amazing post with the potential to change lives. I am simply sharing my thoughts with the probably 17 or 18 people who actually read this blog of mine.
This week at my school, we are putting an emphasis on the relationship we as individuals have with our great Jesus. The past four days have been both emotionally and spiritually eye-opening for me.
I, like many others, struggle so intensely to believe. A friend shared this morning with our high school his daily battle between “the head and the heart.” He admitted how difficult it is to be raised in church and be surrounded by fellow Christ-followers since birth, and I would have to agree. It’s called apathy, he gently reminded us. Apathy.
I never really thought of my relationship with Christ in that particular light.
Merriam-webster.com describes apathy as a “lack of feeling or emotion” and a “lack of interest or concern.”
My chest literally sinks with defeat as I read that definition and associate it with how I treat God.
He’s awesome if you want something. Just pray for it and it’s yours.
He’s supposed to make everyone happy.
Why do good people suffer and bad people win?
Even as a Christian, I am faced with thinking in a similar fashion.
I don’t know why Target has given the minority what they want (personally, I think letting people use the restroom of their personal “gender indentification” is the silliest thing I have ever heard).
I don’t know why we must choose between the lesser of two evils to be our next national leader (Hilary or Trump–you decide).
And I don’t know why suicide bombings or rape or abuse or robberies or anything else terrible and bad must happen. I just know that it does.
And how do these events tie in with my relationship with God?
i guess all this to say in a world so confused and terrifying, there is one constant. all this suffering and trauma and injustice will make sense in the end. It’s true.
Yeah. I’m still trying to believe that one myself.
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