It's been a long hibernation, but I'm finally back to blogging. In the past year, I haven't found as much time (or inspiration) to record my thoughts here. Rather, I've been writing mini-blogs on my Instagram. Sometimes I feel like people don't read blogs as much, but somehow, I am always pulled back here. There are certain topics that need a bit more room to breathe.
I'm writing you from a country in Southeast Asia. For the security of my contacts here, I cannot reveal the name of the country online because it is illegal to evangelize and convert people to Christianity here (but if you know me IRL, please ask!). The total duration of my outreach in Asia was seven weeks, and this teaching outreach was specifically designed for graduates of the School of Biblical Studies (SBS) with YWAM called the Titus Project. Our goal is to teach the Bible in a way that is accessible to all people, no matter one's previous experience with the Bible. Since being here, we've taught a three-day seminar overviewing the whole Bible (Genesis to Revelation) to a church, as well as a two-week teaching stint with YWAM in a Discipleship Bible School (DBS) where we taught all of the early and late prophets. In between those teachings, we've spent long hours preparing for teachings and working with local ministries.
I never imagined I would be here of all places, doing what I'm doing now. My life has gone in a completely different direction than I anticipated. In college, I spent a semester as a student teacher for an intro English class, and I was almost certain that I would never pursue conventional teaching (which is all everyone assumes an English major is good for). But now, two-and-a-half years later, I'm on the other side of the world teaching the Bible to students both younger and older than me through a translator. And I'm doing so well.
But getting here has not been easy. Not in the slightest.
I spent March through December of 2023 doing nothing but studying the Bible in the SBS at my YWAM base in Salem, Oregon, which prepared me to go on this outreach to Southeast Asia. It was the most incredible, eye-opening experience of my life because I learned how much I really don't know about what I've believed in most of my life. After spending nine months studying the Bible, my conviction is that every Christian (especially every missionary) should know what they're building their life upon and what they're preaching to others. During these nine months, I read and studied through the whole Bible. I've been a Christian since I was seven years old, and I had never done that! My perspective has totally changed in the best way possible.
I knew I wanted to share this knowledge of the Bible with others, which is why I'm here now. But I've had many moments on this outreach where I've felt so alone and exhausted. While I love this life that God has led me toward, it has come with a cost—missing weddings, birthdays, and holidays, paying for plane tickets, support-raising rather than making a conventional income, living out of backpacks and suitcases, never really being somewhere long enough to grow deep roots. There are so many people who have reached out over the past couple of years and said things like, I wish I did what you're doing when I was your age. I have absolutely zero regrets, but I also don't think I talk enough about the loneliness of this life at times.
There's a passage in the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew where Jesus says, "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few" (7:13-14). The past two years of living as a missionary has given me a deeper understanding of the narrow gate, and what it means in the context of my own story.
And what better way to describe the narrow gate than by sharing the story of how difficult it was to get to Southeast Asia?
There are so many obstacles that arose in getting Asia, it's comical. I applied and was accepted to the Titus Project program in the summer of 2023, but there was no one signed up to lead the trip. It looked like it wouldn't happen, which was disappointing because I felt strongly that I was supposed to go. It wasn't until the first week of December that I found out the trip was happening, and I had exactly a month to raise $5,000, finish my SBS, and celebrate Christmas with my family after missing the year before.
I had to fly to the YWAM base in Lakeside, Montana for the Titus Project on January 2, where my team and I would leave for Asia after three weeks of training. There were three of us—all girls—going together. My teammate and I planned to fly back to the U.S. together at the end of the trip because our other teammate had a speaking engagement in another country in Asia shortly afterwards.
Our problems truly began in the Kalispell airport as we discovered one of our connection flights had been cancelled because of the Boeing 737 recalls, and a replacement plane had not been supplied. We spent an hour at the ticket counter sorting things out and almost missed our flight to Denver.
When we arrived in Denver, we had planned for an overnight layover because of our flight changes, but after spending another hour at the ticket counter, the United agent was able to get us an earlier flight to Frankfurt, Germany for that evening. She also arranged for us to all have window seats on the flight! Truly an angel in disguise.
We landed in Frankfurt, hearts deflated knowing we still had two flights to go, and pretty much passed out in exhaustion in the waiting area. We boarded our third flight to Dubai, running on about 3-4 hours of sleep, and when we arrived in Dubai, we discovered our reservations for our final flight had been mysteriously deleted.
After spending yet another hour at the ticket counter, we were re-booked on another flight to our final destination. On that flight, not even the flight attendant could shake me awake. Upon landing and securing our visas, we waited at baggage claim only to discover that our bags had not made it out of Denver.
We repressed our emotions until we arrived at our guesthouse and collapsed into our beds for evening before sobbing. How many things could possibly go wrong before they begin to go right?
The emotions have only continued to grow in frequency as our time has progressed in Asia. One of my teammates had to fly back to the U.S. after an injury flared up, making it impossible for her to continue traveling with us. That just left my other teammate and I to carry out the rest of our teaching outreach for five more weeks.
One thing I've learned about myself after going on two international outreaches is just how much my insecurities come to the surface. I've never sobbed more in a short period than I have living cross-culturally. It isn't that the culture is bad, but rather so completely foreign. Things that I know how to do easily in the U.S. are not always so simple to navigate in another country. Culture shock comes in waves; you don't feel it all at once. In the beginning, all you see are the positive experiences that make the culture unique from your own. Then, the weariness of communication sets in, and all the charmingly significant aspects of the culture begin to grow frustrating. You're left with this balancing act of the good and the bad, trying to be mentally present as best as possible without neglecting your own emotions. Thus explains the waterworks.
Many people have personally reached out to me and shared how inspired they've been by my life, which is a total credit to God. But they don't realize how much I've had to sacrifice to have this life. I've been watching The Chosen with my mom since being back in Tennessee, and there's a quote the character of Jesus says that sticks with me— "I ask a lot of the people who follow me, but very little from people who don't."
And it's true, right? The number of places in the Gospels where Jesus tells His disciples to count the cost of following Him are many. I saw this type of sacrifice on this outreach to Southeast Asia. Many of the people we met had converted to Christianity from Buddhism or Hinduism, and several of them sacrificed relationships with their families in the process. As Luke 12:51-53 says,
Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division.
For from now on in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three.
They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law
and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law.
The landlord of one of the houses we were staying at was a Christian, and he was living in the spare room of the house during our stay. This is because his father was Hindu and refused to even eat off of the same plates as his son! The landlord didn't want to make things more difficult, so he was staying at the house while his father visited. In the Western world, can we even imagine living this way? This man's story is just one of many people's testimonies across Asia and the Middle East.
During my time in YWAM, I have been confronted by this type sacrificial living. It was easy to follow Jesus when I was graduating college and planning to secure a full-time career to make my own income. What was I sacrificing? Practically nothing. But now, as I raise my own monthly support to work as a missionary in Oregon and to the nations, I've caught myself wondering if the cost is just a bit too high for me. I've been asked so many times what my long-term plans are, and how long I'm planning to stay in YWAM.
Two years ago, when I graduated college, I genuinely cared about answering those questions. I cared about having a five-year plan and knowing what would be around each corner. But following God in this way has narrowed my vision to focus on what's right in front of me and to live with open hands, willing to go wherever for the Gospel. And compared to some of the people I've met in Asia and in other places of the world, my personal cost right now really isn't that high. But I don't know what will happen next and what else God will ask me to give up in the future.
You don't have to be a missionary to live a sacrificial life for Jesus. Your personal cost may look different than mine, and the most important element of that cost is obedience. Are you being obedient in the areas of your life God is asking you to sacrifice? Are you saying 'yes' to God even when it means saying 'no' to something you wanted? Are you living open-handed in every area of your life? Are you walking the narrow road that leads to life?
I am still wrestling with many questions about swimming against the current as I follow Jesus. I am lonely sometimes, and I don't have very much money, but I am content because I know I'm walking the narrow road He has set out for me. In the words of one of my favorite singer-songwriters, Chris Renzema,
You said it'd be a narrow road, so why am I surprised when it seems I'm on my own?
The journey might be lonely, but I'd never be alone.
If you would like to continue following along in my journey with YWAM, please feel free to reach out to me at +1 865 441 2266 or hannahroserob@gmail.com. I send out a quarterly newsletter and would love to add you to it if you're interested in more frequent updates.
God bless you, my dear friend!
-Hannah Rose Rob
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