I feel like a mess. per usual.
every time I sit down to write something, I lose sight of my initial idea. I want to be intentional and inspiring, like any hopeful writer, but that can be a massive, unnecessary burden to carry.
I cannot sit down to write with a packed agenda and this impossible standard of excellence to reach people’s hearts beyond a screen. Overthinking my purpose achieves nothing. I must simply follow wherever my keyboard takes me.
the real-life parallels are so striking it’s almost comical.
allow me to enlighten you:
as I’ve been progressing deeper into my senior year of high school, the questions of where are you going to college? and what are you planning to study? are no longer few and far between–in fact, now it seems to be the go-to small-talk of any family friend or adult that I encounter.
and while I once longed for the days of finally being treated like an adult, now that life beyond high school is fast approaching, I’m not entirely sure when I’ll know the answers to those questions. what once seemed so black-and-white now is a bulging blob of color.
I, like many others I know, like to be in control, whatever that means. I’m not exactly a planner, but I do enjoy my fantasies of meeting my perfect college boyfriend and achieving all my writing dreams.
but let me tell y’all, if you struggle with control now, there is nothing like the feeling of utter chaos that senior year brings.
I can apply to whatever schools I want, whatever scholarships I want, go wherever I want for college, it doesn’t really matter.
a friend recently reminded me, likely without realizing how desperately my heart needed to hear it, that God can still move, wherever I am.
God will still do a work in my heart and give me all the tools necessary to carry out His will for my life. I don’t need to worry about making all the right decisions 100% of the time. I am flawed, and God knows this.
I could be in Virginia Beach or Cleveland or Knoxville–God remains God. I may not have the security of control, and my life may feel like it’s off its rocker, but the one thing that prevails through every toil of life is Jesus.
and you guys–life doesn’t leave room for grace. rejection steals. heartbreak happens. good people make selfish mistakes. sin is rampant. the Enemy threatens to steal your joy every single day.
but the way it is is that we all have choices to make. we can sit in our pity and throw ourselves a party, or we can look our *depression, anxiety, fear, doubt, etc.* in the eye and walk on by.
I cannot afford to overthink. whatever plans I make for myself are never as sweet as Jesus’s plans for my life. I may be at a total loss as to what God is doing in my life at the present time, but one thing I am in control of is whether or not I choose to trust Him.
and believe me–trusting is so much easier than fighting. save your energy, friend. let Jesus fight your battles instead.
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