we put timelines on everything.
education. relationships. success. engagement. marriage. due dates. retirement.
we’re all human, and we plan.
when I was in seventh grade, we had this colossal timeline project we worked on all year. it was a massive pain in the butt, and I must’ve started over at least twice. We kept adding and removing and lengthening and tidying up the timeline so it looked creative and pristine.
pretty much exactly what we hope for our lives. creative and pristine.
society has taught us through television, movies, and other forms of media that we must be kissed and datable and pretty by the end of high school, finished with college and job in hand in four years, engaged at 23 and married with kids by 27 or whatever–that’s the general idea anyway.
and I believe, to a certain degree, we all want our lives to play out picturesque with flowers and sunshine. we don’t typically appreciate hiccups or surprises to our plans. we like to be in control. we don’t want to wait for good things to happen–we want them to happen right now.
and you know what drives me crazy about many people’s (especially Christian people, like myself) perspective on life and waiting?
it’s the fact that it’s almost always the people with their perfect Instagrams and hot husbands and tanned skin and health blogs or whatever, giving the advice to be patient, God is working! Choose joy! Look at all the many ways He has blessed me, and He will bless you too! Just wait on God!
some days, those real-life examples of God’s blessings can be encouraging.
but on days like today–messy, stressy, insecure and emotional days–those “encouragements” aren’t encouraging at all.
on days like today, I find myself staring at that stupid “explore” page on Instagram, watching women talk about how wonderful their lives are and all they had to do was wait on God to move and now they’re soooooo successful with a family and a 150K following and they make money blogging as stay-at-home moms and it honestly just makes me want to scream.
and I know I shouldn’t. I know the Christian thing to do is love and be happy for other people, but that feels near-impossible when I’m over here feeling like nothing seems to go right in my world for very long.
relationships? yeah, no. just when I get comfy, thinking it might work out this time…
*it doesn’t*
academics? same score. ACT prep couldn’t even help me.
*stil a 25. did worse on the English.*
future? …yeah fam idk, anytime anyone asks I say “something to do with writing” but what kind of a plan is that?
*it isn’t one*
the thing I want to say to all these perfect people with their perfect, God-given lives is quit talking to me about your present.
talk to me about your past.
talk to me about your journey.
talk to me about your heartaches.
talk to me literally standing in the suffering. tell me how hard it was to believe God had a plan. tell me you didn’t stop believing He was working on your behalf.
my journey isn’t over yet. I work hard for what I believe in, I have teenage angst and I feel things deeply. and I will never, ever sugarcoat my feelings on this blog.
and it isn’t a bad thing, talking about God’s blessings bestowed on you. blessings are such a wonderful, undeserved gift from Him.
but let’s not forget the journey, hmm? let’s not skip over the raw parts of our stories. the moments we felt ignored, forgotten, unloved–instead, let’s use them.
let’s work together to believe in God’s promises, because we all know we can’t do it alone.
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