Life as I know it is moving with all the force of a bullet train and all the hesitancy of an aged turtle.
Everyone’s been telling me to embrace this time and not to wish my life away but I never realized how hard it was to appreciate the moment when you’d rather be elsewhere.
Yes, I understand life after high school is fraught with responsibilities and college. But is it so wrong to believe it will actually get much, much better after I walk across that stage, high school diploma in hand, on graduation day?
You see, after spending over a decade amidst variations of the same people, same administrators, same campus, I’ve grown rather exhausted from the mundane routine. (No offense to my peers and teachers).
Is it so wrong to hope for bigger and better things beyond the halls of my high school?
Because to be quite honest, if the best memories I ever make in my life were made before I turned eighteen, what’s the point of the whole ten-year plan thing and beyond? You know–college, job, marriage, kids, retirement, inevitable death? Where are those exciting memories?
I’ve been wrestling with this carpe diem-contentment concept as I’ve grown more discontent with my present circumstances over the past few months. I recently decided where I am planning on enrolling fall of 2018 (LEE UNIVERSITY FLAMES WHOOP WHOOP), and with that decision came both an overwhelming sense of joy/relief and this ticking clock.
I began biding my time at school more so than ever before and imagining myself on Lee University’s picturesque campus–making friends, meeting guys, finding my place in the world.
And with all this counting down and anxiously awaiting a new life, I woke up one day and found myself incredibly unhappy.
I’ll finally be happy when I go to Lee.
I’ll finally be happy when I meet that perfect guy who loves me for me.
I’ll finally be happy when I find accountability partners to help keep my relationship with God on track.
I’ll finally be happy when I let go and start letting God take the reigns again.
The first three statements were all lies I bought in to for months on end.
The last statement is a truth.
Guess which ones resonated in my head?
Yep. The lies.
The only way to stop the spiraling of the thought-tornado in my head is to start a new storm with new thoughts. Except for this time, instead of lies, I’m choosing truths.
I have so much to be thankful for.
My life is already fulfilled because I have been born again in Christ.
I can accomplish meaningful things right here in Knoxville, Tennessee.
I’ll meet that perfect guy in God’s perfect timing.
There’s no point in drowning myself in a sea of discontentment when I have so much to be thankful for in the here and now.
Yes, high school and my journey at Berean has been an adventure. How many people can say they’ve remained close friends with a large group of people for over a decade before high school graduation even arrives?
How many people can drop everything and drive to the beach for a weekend in November with thirteen of their best friends?
How many people can authentically say some of their high school teachers have become more like mentors over the past four years?
How many people sit in Bible class every day, learning more about God’s character and how to reach others with His Good News?
I always took for granted what others haven’t had the opportunity to experience before high school graduation, if ever.
And so, as I look forward to the adventures that next year might bring, I am sure to be fully present in the adventures happening all around me, right here, in my senior year of high school.
They say you blink and it’s graduation day. If that’s the case, I guess I’d better keep my eyes open.
Even as people and seasons change around you, God has you here for a reason. And even though you cannot see why just yet, you are planted and grounded where you need to be.
-morgan harperNichols
Fiercely commit to every moment you find beautiful and remember it.
-victoria erickson
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