Tonight, I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed.
I’m not quite sure how I managed to commit to 178429 different responsibilities, but lo and behold, I did. And now I am paying the price.
Do you know what I struggle with on a daily basis, and to what I owe my incessant promises?
You’ve probably guessed it by now.
I am hopeless case of good intentions and poor delegation. I say YESYESYESYESYES to far too many things and I find myself giving more attention to one duty over another. I feel badly saying no and instead of sticking by my answer, I compensate for my utter lack of time by committing to yet another onus.
Why am I like this?
I’ve always wished I was one of those strong girls with a sassy, yet in-check, attitude and an immovable backbone. I’ve also always wished my hair was blonde and that I could be good at most things.
But I’m just not.
God did not design me with many of the characteristics, both internal and external, that I desire.
So what does that mean for me?
Will I continue to fail at many of the things I attempt?
Will my hair be forever brown?
Am I doomed to living a life of spineless infamy?
I love love love the C.S. Lewis quote that states, Look for Christ and you will find him. And with him, everything else.
I have this terrible habit of thinking less of myself. Reminding myself that I am not, and could never be, good enough to accomplish this or that. Why would you actually believe you could be the kind of person you want to be, Hannah? What makes you think you deserve that?
I was not created to be good at everything. I was not created to manage my time well. I was not created with the kind of emotional spine I crave. None of these qualities are a part of my instinct.
These qualities were intended to be cultivated, not born.
It’s all a part of the Christian growth. Ironically, a Christian’s growth is similar to the growth of trees. Every tree’s initial seed looks different. All are planted, and all develop bark or moss and build strength. And in the end, all the trees appear very distinct from the next.
Just like us, as humans.
We all begin as seeds–varying in race, background, economic status–but we are all building and developing and being strengthened. Sanctification. Becoming more like the God who made us. Finding our differing purposes, but all with the same goal–to reach our limbs as high as the sky allows.
I am changing as a person. I am finding my courage and my backbone and my purpose in this world, and it’s all because I started by looking for Christ.
And from Him, everything else.
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