I haven’t felt all that in tune with my emotions recently. I can’t describe it well. I just know something feels as though it’s missing.
I’ve also been feeling this urge to grow up. Mature. Visiting colleges and wrapping up junior year has me thinking beyond the present moment and longing for what’s to come.
And people. People have the capacity to be wonderful and terrible all at once, leaving me dazed and restless and wondering what in the world just happened. Contemplating the standing of my relationships, pissed off because I don’t understand and I can’t figure out my own head.
My passions. My passions have been carelessly tossed to the wind at this point, and I’m left to speculate if they’ll boomerang right back to me or if they’re gone forever.
I’ve not made time for my family, my passions, or God. And try as I might, I cannot stop letting people down. It sucks. I suck.
I’m discovering things about the world, people, and myself I couldn’t comprehend a year ago, and I can’t discern whether that is a good thing just yet.
The world is trying to steal your good nature. It’s been teaching me over the past several months that things I had once completely written off are sort of okay, and I’m still trying to figure out what I believe and what I know to be lies.
the world gives you so much pain and here you are making gold out of it
–milk and honey, rupi kaur
People are never going to give you the satisfaction you crave. They cannot say all the right things all the time, nor can they pay you enough attention or love you in a way that could ever truly change you to the core. Infatuation is a tricky beast, and it rarely ever fills the aching void inside.
i do not want to have you to fill the empty parts of me
–milk and honey, rupi kaur
I am not the same person I was one year ago. I know how it feels to experience what I dare say love might feel like, without actually knowing if the subject I admired so ardently ever loved me back. It’s the whole misunderstood-teenage-heartbreak thing. Everyone needs to live through it and prove to yourself and the people around you that you will not fall apart because things didn’t turn out the way you expected.
it has been the year of hurting so bad but living so good.
–milk and honey, rupi kaur
Independence is cultivated. It doesn’t sprout from the ground when summoned, it doesn’t grow from a tree, it doesn’t arrive all at once. I am finding that independence and confidence share these qualities. Initially, when the mere thought of doing something bold and different creeps into your soul, you push it away.
I’m not ready.
But ever so slowly, you begin to bloom. Petals peeking open, blinking into the tender sun, anxious but so eager for a change. You begin to allow yourself to experience things you never would have done before the light crept in–making the first move, risking humiliation, loving the people who need it most.
We become the people we were created to be when we allow ourselves the hesitant joy of living.
stay strong through your pain /grow flowers from it /you have helped me /grow flowers out of mine so /bloom beautifully /dangerously /loudly /bloom softly/ however you need
just bloom
–milk and honey, rupi kaur
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