I am human.
Humans are messy, flawed, arrogant, ungrateful, and at times, unlovable beings.
Yet, we are all here, on this big blue planet, for a reason.
A purpose.
Yep. I’m still searching (and quite relentlessly, I might add) for mine.
And every time I feel like I’m getting closer to The Great Calling, I feel God pulling me in a slightly different direction. Or, at least, that is my fear of what’s to come.
You see, I have this grand plan for how I would like to see my life play out:
I would like very much to graduate with a 4.0 and get into an amazing college with a fabulous English department (my personal favorites thus far: Emory University and New York University).
Study journalism and creative writing, and earn my degree in one of the two (or both, if you can do that, which I’m not sure you can, but oh well).
Publish my first (of many) novel(s)–this is flexible and can fit anywhere on my list of aspirations.
Get a job as a magazine or newspaper journalist.
Get married and start a family.
Live happily ever after 🙂
Sounds pretty wonderful, huh?
I know it does for me!
I have always been told that “Your plan is not always God’s plan!” and “God’s plan is ten times better than anything you could ever imagine!”
But I can’t stop myself from thinking (selfishly), “But what about what I want?”
I have a tight grip on the wants and desires of my heart. I wish I didn’t, but as we’ve already established, I am only human.
If your feelings are similar to mine, friend, I encourage you to cut yourself a little slack!
What? But I’m not living like God wants me to! I’m thinking only of myself.
Yes, yes, of course. We are all human AND sinners. Everyone messes up. Everyone makes mistakes. But most of all, everyone cares about his or her future and thinks about his or herself quite often.
Is this a sin?
Wanting a better life for yourself? Thinking of ways you can achieve this so-called better life?
No, I don’t think so. But where it becomes a sin is when we grow obsessed with our plans instead of asking God what He has in store for us.
I am guilty of this, as you can probably tell from my life plans listed above. Is it wrong for me to want this amazing life for myself? Absolutely not!
But I want Jesus to be my crux, my substance, my still point. I want my life to scream F U L F I L L E D. I want to, in all simplicity, live for Christ.
And that starts with me letting go of all my selfish ambitions and wants and plans. Now, that is not to say Jesus won’t give me anything I desire–He might. But if He does, it will be on His terms, and not mine.
Living a purpose-driven life is what each and every one of us is meant to do. What’s holding you back?
I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait.
c.s. lewis
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